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And now, Adam and Joe.
exhausted morning morning we just finished our show listeners five minutes past 12 the exciting thing about this week's show is that we were both there in the studio service has been returned to normal here at the castle after a difficult summer of various interlopers and foreign voyages the castle is back to its old self for the winter we're gonna be with you for the foreseeable future that's what we said last time isn't it
Well, then I went off.
Yeah, but we hope that's not going to be the case this time.
We're going to be with you for a good long stretch.
So I think it's going to be an enjoyable podcast, ladies and gentlemen, but some of the things that you won't be able to hear on the podcast include, of course, the great music that we play and probably a little thing that Joe did for us speculating about... I'm going to try and fix that up though.
Blue Peter.
I'm going to fix that up, I'm going to put some clearable garage band rave behind that when I get home and send it to James here.
Well that's great but if you want to hear how it went out originally of course you can listen to the whole of the programme with all the music and all the other stuff that didn't make it into the podcast via the iPlayer and is that something that you would do Joe?
Yes.
Joe's reading Vice magazine.
I wasn't listening, I was looking through Vice magazine.
It's one of those mags that's like, who buys those things?
Is it just people who are doing fashion at art school?
I don't know, but here are three new faces in London, up-and-comers, new faces in London according to Vice magazine.
Nova Dando, Charlie Lemindu and Pristine Smut.
What do they do?
Well, that shows how out of touch you are, doesn't it?
I like, I've never seen Vice before, it's an interesting mag and there's a great fashion spread in there with a girl and her nip-nops are mainly out for most of the pictures and there's one particularly charming shot where she's sat there with everything hanging out but in between her legs she's got like a leather bag and she is, can I say, fingering the bag?
in a sort of a suggestive way.
It's a very sexual photo spread and it's frankly making it hard for Adam and I to concentrate doing these links.
So listen, you listen to the podcast, we'll have a closer look at Vice magazine and there are other magazines available of course but none with quite so many nude women in them.
See you in a bit, bye!
Podcast.
Communication from the future.
Beaming down from chat space relatively slow.
Podcast.
Plug in the computer.
Prepare for download.
Here we go!
Podcast.
Adam and Joe climbing into pod.
Podcast.
Pod ready to be cast.
Podcast.
Cast the pod!
Not like that though.
Do it again.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC6 Music.
Very nice to be with you.
The sun is shining, even though the world is crumbling.
Everything's fine here.
Yeah, business as usual.
People don't seem to realise that the world's ended.
The chuckle markets are still doing well.
Yeah.
Trading.
Trading's successful.
Trading's up.
Share prices are up on the chuckle market.
But we're happy to be resuming normal service, listeners.
Hey, that's true.
With the two of us in place.
Hasn't been this way for a while.
It's been ages.
So we hope you feel, if you're a regular listener to the show, a frisson of comfort, like slipping your foot into an old shoe.
I thought you were going to say something else.
Nearly sounded revolting, didn't it?
To an old tramp.
To an old man.
We hope you feel like you've just slipped your naked foot into... Don't say it again, though.
A warm slipper.
Well done, well done.
Excellently avoided.
So yes, you know, we've got lots of good stuff for you listeners, things to talk about.
I noticed in Heat magazine, which I bought this week because my wife was in hospital, she gave birth to a baby woman and it was all, it all worked out.
But it meant that while she was in agonizing pain, I had to go out and buy her a stack of appalling mags.
Your wife relies on lady mags like other people would rely on vitamins or, um, you know, special pills.
That's women, man, not just my wife.
I've got a woman.
They run on them.
And she doesn't read them.
Does she not?
No.
Have you banned them?
No, she doesn't want, no, she doesn't want to read them.
She does.
She does.
She secretes them.
She's got a stash somewhere like porn.
I'm not trying to belittle your lady.
She's a very wonderful lady.
Yeah, yeah.
But she's better than that sort of thing.
That's what you think.
It's stashed there somewhere under her bed.
You think?
Yeah, definitely.
My lady's got a secret.
You think all women have to look at heat and grazia?
Left to their own devices.
Really?
Yes, that's what they do.
You're so sexist.
It's a little bit sexist, isn't it?
We should do an experiment where we leave some ladies in a room and hide some lady mags.
Well that sounds... Do you remember like that experiment where they put a stud spray on one chair to see whether women would sit on it?
No.
Well I do.
I remember that one.
What's that experiment?
It's a famous one in my brain.
The stud spray experiment.
It's one that took place in my head in the 70s.
The stud spray project.
But you do the same thing and you just rub lady magazines on a chair.
and then see which one they sit down on.
Well, you know, that would be a good advert for Heat magazine.
I could imagine them doing an advert like that.
Anyway, the reason I mentioned it is I haven't seen Heat for a while and I noticed at the back that they mentioned this show in their listings, you know, in their sort of regular pick.
They list all the shows that you should listen to on a Saturday.
We get five red stars.
No.
Finally!
They never used to give us five red stars.
We've never got anything more than four stars in our entire lives.
I'm reactivating my subscription.
Five red stars.
Us, Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand.
Wow.
And I think maybe Burmok O'Leary.
I'm suddenly interested in the cellulite of the stars again.
But anyway, they, you know, they summarise the show as being Adam and Joe.
A load of old... No, they say, with text donation and song wars.
They're the nation's favourite features, as voted for by Heat magazine.
So we'll have those features in the show.
And Loaded magazine.
Oh, the Macs.
We ought to start being nice about Macs.
Exactly.
We haven't heard back from Grazia, have we?
Well, we didn't exactly send them anything, apart from a couple of insults indirectly.
We didn't send the songs to them, did we?
We should send the songs to them.
Let's send the songs to them.
I'm not sure that's a good idea.
I'm eyeing our staff.
That wasn't good.
Text the nation.
Text, text, text.
Text the nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text.
We're asking you for your customised fashion disasters.
Everybody goes through a point in life when they think that off-the-peg clothing bought from shops isn't quite individual enough.
and you decide you'll customize your clothing, maybe adjust the fit, maybe add some kind of design or badge, or maybe just take, you know, sartorial design into a new sort of authored personal area.
A unique look that you know no one else in the street will have.
Yes, something that expresses something indefinable about yourself.
Yeah.
And says, this is who I am.
I'm not just the man from Mr. Byright or whatever.
Yeah, I'm me.
I'm me.
And there's no one else like me.
Right.
This usually happens during the teenage years.
Yeah.
When one's not sure of the boundaries of existence or acceptable behavior, you're testing the edges of the envelope.
And it happened for me a few times.
I once decided that I wanted a pair of swimming shorts, like surf shorts.
And I couldn't find any with the material I wanted.
Like Bermuda shorts?
Yeah, so I must have been about 16 or 17.
So I went to John Lewis and bought some material.
I thought, right, I'm going to make my perfect pair of swimming shorts.
So you got some flowery curtain material or something?
Got some flowery curtain material.
I thought, this is really good.
Why haven't I done this before?
And I took it home.
Is it because I don't know anything about sewing or making clothes?
I thought anything was possible.
I thought I could do anything.
I thought there were no limits to my capabilities.
You'd been watching No Limits with Jonathan King?
Probably.
So then I bought a pair of swimming shorts that were the correct sort of fit and I took them apart to see what the different shapes were made out of.
Scientific.
Nice.
I traced round them on my new piece of material and I cut the bits out and I sewed them together by hand.
And I put them on, they were slightly odd fitted.
And the seams didn't seem particularly strong enough.
So I did a bit of extra stitching and I thought, excellent.
And I popped them in my baggage for a holiday I went on.
No way.
Yeah, with a friend of ours in Corfu.
And I went in Corfu, the first morning came, I put on my homemade trunkles, trunkies.
when bounding into the sea.
First of all, the material wasn't waterproof in any way, or it wasn't, it was the wrong sort of material for swimming, so it clung to my nubile young body in very revealing fashion.
Secondly, the stitching really wasn't tough enough to put up with even small waves, so they pretty much fell apart as soon as I went into the sea.
Just floated off you.
So it was one of the hardest exits.
What are those curtains doing there, floating around?
What if you cut those three pieces of curtain material clinging to your naked, hairless, adolescent torso?
Joke.
Have you got any pictures at all?
No, luckily there were no cameras around, thank God.
But it was an ignoble exit from the water.
Nice.
Clinging onto my loins to keep the bits of material together, quickly wrapping my midriff in a towel.
Aged how old?
uh 17 a bit too old quite old yeah 16 or 17 a bit too old but i wanted to make a a swimming statement top marks for effort yeah i mean what was the material was it so crazy that you just thought i can't it was just a nice paisley design they already make pretty crazy bermuda shorts but i thought why spend the money
Why spend the money when you can do it yourself?
And you know, you're laughing at me in a mocking fashion there, Adam, but you've had your own problems, haven't you?
Don't know what you mean.
My thing was, my look, I was going for a kind of a fusion between talking heads, David Byrne in his big square suit on Stop Making Sense, and in my brain, some bits of punk.
And this is a look you wanted to create that you couldn't afford or felt wasn't represented in the shops?
Yeah, it was the combination of the fact that my dad had all these old suits and dress shirts, right?
He had like collarless shirts from the olden days.
So I would wear his suits, which were much too big for me, and then wear like a collarless shirt underneath and do it up to the top because I thought I looked a bit like David Byrne.
Oh my goodness.
And then the way I would take that one step further, right, and really freak people's minds, was to make a long chain with some safety pins and pin them to my shoulders.
Like sort of Michael Jackson style epaulette kind of things?
Correct.
But chains of safety pins, that's an age-old punk thing.
I don't know if the punks went for chains of safety pins so much.
You had split trousers.
That.
And you had a line of safety pins all the way down the seam.
I forgot.
So when your trousers split, you didn't sew them.
No.
You did it with loads and loads of safety pins.
All in a row.
And then just went about your business as if that was normal.
without commenting or saying anything?
I'd completely forgotten about that.
I did.
I looked a bit like a sort of very pathetic, posh version of Edward Scissorhands.
Right.
Wandering around there with all my bondage look, I guess, because what had happened is that my ma had taken in my floppy school trousers, right, and made them the requisite drainpipe narrowness.
Rupert Scissorhands.
Yeah.
And then when the, you know, and I couldn't get them on because they were so tight.
So I split them apart and then I did them with
with the safety pins there.
I'd totally forgotten about that.
But you thought it looked cool.
Yeah, I was convinced it looked cool.
Oh man, I'm going to need a little while to get over that now.
That was a traumatic memory.
Hey, this is Adam and Jo.
It's a Saturday morning.
And folks, you know, you could do worse this weekend than to go to the cinema.
And if you do, you might see a radio ad for our show.
Right?
Yeah, we recorded an advert that's supposed to go out in 60% of UK cinemas.
We're not entirely sure that it's on yet though, are we?
I think it started airing yesterday.
Well, that's exciting.
So we're reaching out to you listeners.
If you go to the cinema this weekend, let us know if you hear a kind of condensed version of this show in the form of an advert.
I think what they do is they project a BBC logo and the lights are down in the cinema and then it's just audio.
Right.
And then... They did it with Moyles, I think, earlier in the year.
Very successful technique.
It went over massively well.
Yeah, very deep penetration, audience penetration.
More from Moyles.
From Moyles.
So now we're going to probably do less well, but we'd be excited if anyone out there heard it, right?
I mean, that would be amazing.
Can you imagine, like, going to the cinema?
Going to the cinema alone would be amazing.
Yeah, you know, I hear they project these massive pictures up and there's ants and they live in space.
Chimps in space?
Space chimps?
Fly me to the moon I thought was happening.
Oh it's flies isn't it?
I don't know mate.
I'm not as in touch with children's films.
You know what I never went to see chimps in space last week.
Very wise.
Would have been a stupid mistake.
I know.
I hope I never will see chimps in space.
It might be very good.
We shouldn't prejudge it.
Well... I'll tell you what I saw.
What did you see?
Gomorrah.
Gomorrah?!
Mmm, it's about the Naples Mafia.
It was wicked.
Was it?
Yeah, it was.
Who's in there?
Excellent.
People you don't know.
Colin Farrell?
Real people.
Not Colin Farrell.
It's really good.
Real people?
Gomorrah.
Julia Roberts?
Two hours twenty, but it flies by.
Some superb killings.
Robert Downey Jr.?
No!
What?!
No stars.
I know it's confusing for you.
What's the point then?
The point is that it's more real.
You and McGregor?
Is he in it?
No, he's not in it.
Well, what do you do then for two hours?
You look at the real people doing the real things.
I don't know about that.
It's very good.
Charlie Borman, he must be in it.
He is in it.
Okay, good.
He plays the lead.
Oh yeah, so funny I forgot to laugh.
So listen, listeners, and Adam, this week I was, I flopped down on the sofa at children's telly time, have a little rest, flicked on the telly and... Nice bit of hot crumpet.
Thank you.
I happened to see Blue Peter, which has relaunched.
Have you seen Blue Peter recently?
Not for a long time.
Connie Huck in there still?
No, they've completely, and I suppose because of the problems Blue Peter had, they've decided they're going to bring in a new broom and make it seem different and unsullied by past problems.
So they've kind of reinvented it.
But in doing so, they seem to have, in my opinion, messed with the core of Blue Peter, the essential elements of Blue Peter.
What would you say are the essential elements of Blue Peter, as we knew it in our childhood?
Sure, element one.
Some version of the hornpipe, or whatever it's called, that piece of music, played.
The tune must be there, even if it's rendered in a modern style.
Well that's alright, it's still there, it's rendered in a modern style, kind of like as a sort of crazy rhubarb and custard march kind of thing, but with, they've added splashing sounds.
Why?
Just splooshing.
Kids love splooshing.
Blue Peter, ships, water, splooshing.
I see, of course.
Just to make it crazier.
Sure.
More gungy.
Like a gunk tank.
Exactly.
That's fine.
Other essential element.
Three engaging young presenters of various sexes and racial backgrounds.
Yes.
They've got that as well.
It's doing well so far by your criteria.
Yeah.
I would like to see a gay presenter in there, like a very obviously flamboyantly gay presenter.
I think they've done that in the past.
That would be good.
Okay, so that's good.
What about elements like the infinite set?
The infinite set?
Like it just being Blue Peter being a sort of empty BBC studio with the white psych as they call it along the back and then just some freestanding shelves and sofas.
Right.
Is that to you essential to Blue Peter?
Certainly.
Like a big blank, empty, negative play space in which anything can happen.
Cooking, building.
Yeah.
It's got, I'm glad you think that because that's gone.
Oh, no, you want it to be like a, like a pathetic version of the scene in the matrix where all the gun shells pop up.
That's true.
But it's not that anymore.
They've turned it into a sort of a funky bunker.
Oh, no.
Yeah, with fashionable exposed brickwork.
Oh, shut your mouth.
Yeah, some stairs that the presenters now run down at the beginning of the show.
In fact, one of the presenters ran down.
The other presenter was in the middle of doing things.
So it was like we were interrupting them during, you know, some fun time in the funky bunker.
It's like friends.
Yeah.
Right.
Very much so.
What other essential elements to Blue Peter?
Maybe the animals?
Uh, certainly the animals.
The pets.
You've got to have pets roaming around there.
When I watched it, no sign of any pets.
What?
A dog wanders briefly through the corner of the shot at 10.25 minutes.
Well that's a pet then.
And then at the very end, the pets do come on.
But they look strangely drugged.
They're not running.
You remember they always used to just run away.
In old school blue pizza.
Now they're suspiciously complicit.
Rolling on their backs, cooperating.
Something odd is going on there.
They're just better trained dogs.
Listen, after the Soxgate scandal, they would never do anything bad to animals.
You're right.
The sofa's become slumpy beanbags.
That's okay.
Is it?
Yes.
Come on, Grandad.
There's no garden?
No garden, well, everyone just vandalises it.
They didn't make anything.
That's a disgrace!
They made nothing.
You've got to have a make, that's the whole backbone of the PETA.
There was wacky science, but there was no making.
What?
No cooking, no prezzies.
Here's an idea for your granny's birthday, you can make this out of coat hangers and some rolls of toilet paper tube, none of that.
I saw a set, they had two VT packages, one was a massive advert for Merlin, the kids series, that's alright.
In another one they sent a new presenter, Joel, who's a nice chap, to Alaska to kind of work with people who saved animals and they found a very sick American eagle and they got him to catch it and he made a really bad job of catching it.
He really scared it.
and then he tried to put it in a box and he scared it and then tried to get it out of the box and he gave up because he was too frightened and then it died of trauma what yeah the vet said well it's a it's it's a 50 chance it's very frightened
And then about two minutes later it was, well, it's now gone down to 30.
It's having trouble breathing.
It's been really traumatized and freaked out.
Then it went back to the studio and Joel looked in the camera and said, well, I'm sorry to tell you, the eagle died.
So they sent their presenter to Alaska where he killed an American eagle.
That's amazing.
And you know what?
In the olden days, they would have spun the piece, surely, to make it a little less downbeat.
Yeah, they would have just swapped the bird.
Swapped the eagle!
Who would know?
And look, here's the eagle and it's fine.
But in the new accountability times... Yeah, kids, you can't pull the rug over the kiddies' eyes.
The eagle died and he killed it.
But the final indignity was that all through the whole programme, there is a music bed.
No.
Now, music bed of course means that there's a music track playing under everything they say and there used to be authoritative, calm silence in the background of Blue Peter, right?
Right.
Used to be sort of clipped, well-spoken voices.
A bit of Judd, a bit of Purvis, showing where he is.
Not anymore.
Here is a clip from the new Blue Peter and listen to what's happening underneath the talking.
Hey you guys, come over here because I've got a trick that's going to knock your socks off.
I can't wait to see this.
Wait till you see this.
Right, what I want you to do is keep your eyes on that sachet of tomato sauce.
I'm not telling you what she's doing with that sachet of tomato sauce.
It's a VT package from Bangkok.
Is that literally right the way through, not just when they're teasing stuff?
Right the way through.
And if there's background noise in the room where you're listening to this, there is a rave track going on underneath all the Blue Peter links.
So I was thinking, what if you apply that logic backwards?
Like, what if you applied that logic to some Janet Ellis and Peter Duncan era?
Blue Peter.
So I had a go.
Have a listen.
The vandals then broke our lovely ornamental urn given to us by Mr Taylor from Barnet.
They then smashed up our sundial and then callously threw it into the pond.
And if that wasn't enough, they then trampled on the bedding plants as well.
Well, we hope to repair the damage and we may even be able to repair the ornamental urn, but it's very sad to think that a few people take such pleasure from harming their fellow human beings.
Yes.
That wouldn't work so well, would it?
Yes.
It would sound as if they were approving of the damage to the garden.
They should definitely do that.
You've just convinced me that it's a very good idea to have... To have some panic-inducing rave.
It's only a matter of time before they have it under the news.
Do your kids need a rave track beneath anything just to engage their attention?
They get very lethargic if there's not rave music playing.
They need those acid flashbacks just to keep them going over tea.
Here is one that's come in from Allie.
Among my handcrafted fashion disasters, I went through a phase of buying secondhand shirts, then copying the lyrics of my favorite songs onto the back in fabric paint.
Good idea.
My pride and joy was my ex-British Army's shirt with the entire words to 99 Red Balloons written on it in pink.
In my 14-year-old wisdom, I was trying to be ironic.
Were you really?
Irony didn't exist then, did it?
Not in the world of fashion and pop.
Well, that's a very dangerous gambit, though, if you want.
Painting all the lyrics on.
Have you ever done anything like that?
I'm trying to think.
I've certainly painted lyrics onto a few things, yeah.
I mean, it's a very tempting thing to do, isn't it?
Yeah.
To draw them on, I mean, you know, on your school bags and things like that.
But when you actually draw them onto your clothes, that's really stepping over some kind of... That's commitment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or at least you need commitment.
You need to be committed.
You need some commitment.
Here's one from Julian Bromley.
In 1989, when I was 16, I decided to customise a pair of men's 501s by splashing paint over them.
Whilst I'd intended to use red, yellow and blue, the only colours readily available in my dad's shed were peach, magnolia and burgundy.
And they were far too big round the waist, so I belted them in, which gave me the look of an ample bulge in the front groin.
Not an appealing look for a 16-year-old girl,
The overall effect was that I was wearing my dad's old painting trousers.
It's really hard to get that kind of thing right, isn't it?
And basically... Well, the trick is not to try.
The trick is not to try.
But the thing is, with fashion, it sort of depends on what you look like as well.
Like you, Joe Cornish, as a young, skinny, reedpole man, you could have got away with quite a few things... Still can.
...that I couldn't have done, for example.
You know, I was too thin.
I was too thin and I didn't have the shoulders.
Right.
And I did have the spots.
That was the problem.
Here's one from Sean in Brighton that brings back memories.
Once when I was about 16, I tried to put rips in my jeans.
I cut about 30 rips with a pair of scissors, making them entirely useless and even less fashionable.
Now, you still see that.
In fact, it's coming back even maybe.
Some people have so many rips down the pair of jeans that it's almost like a sort of series of tube socks.
Do you know what I mean?
And then they're so ripped that there's fabric underneath so that they don't get cold, which seems to sort of circumvent the point of the whole ripping exercise.
No, it's fashion eating itself in a very grotesque way.
Sometimes the bottom of the butt cheek is ripped as well, so the pants come right out.
And so does the bottom.
And the bottom comes all the way out.
Hello.
What a lovely day.
Look at me.
Oh dear.
I'm popping out to say hello.
You alright?
I just like the idea of a talking bum like that.
Hello, Pete Doherty here.
Just like to say how much I enjoy listening to the Adam and Jo podcast.
Whenever life's got me down, it always brings a chuckle to my face.
So listen, listeners, and Adam, I was in a bookshop, right?
Have you ever been in a bookshop?
No.
What are they like?
It must hurt your brain to go into such a place.
Yeah.
They're full of kind of compendiums of information.
You can get coffee there though, right?
Coded information, yeah, and browse themself.
Good, good.
You've confused me now.
Yeah, I was in a bookshop and I was looking at the Mighty Boosh Christmas book.
Oh yeah.
All the comedy Christmas books are trickling onto the shelves because Christmas is but two weeks away now.
Get the lights up.
And the Mighty Boosh comedy book looked very good.
It was very thick, like $12.99, but very beautifully produced.
Glossy hardback number.
But flicking through it, and I'm not being nasty about the Boosh at all.
God forbid.
Because we did a very slim comedy book years and years ago that was in no way as lavish as The Bouches and we're guilty of what I'm about to talk about.
But in comedy books in particular, there seems to be, or the people who design them seem to try lots of techniques just to fill a page.
Right.
Do you know what I mean?
You've got to make it seem value for money.
The people writing it are probably quite busy.
So, it's important to get as many, squeeze as many pages as you can.
Well, the classic format for the comedy book is the scrapbook.
The Monty Python scrapbook.
So, you know, the Papa Bok was the Monty Python one, wasn't it?
Right, there you go.
But the scrapbook format, I'm saying, is the way, the easiest way to address all the issues.
You can put a few pages of script in there, a couple of photos from the set, a few little doilies with ideas written on them.
Well, the Boosh book has
limitless photos of the Bob Fossil character posing by a VW van.
It's like they've got a photographer and they've just gone around London and taken pictures of him in different positions and there's one per page.
When you're in love with fossil, too much is never enough.
When we did our book, they said, well, we should have a photo shoot as well and think of as many things as possible to do, right?
So we did a guide to dancing, just any old rubbish we could think of that would fill a page.
We didn't do a whole page with just one photograph with someone pointing.
We never stooped that low.
Which does pop up in comedy books every now and again.
The Boosh has quite a few of those.
The Fast Show book was a little bit like that, I remember.
What are other techniques people use?
I mean, the Boosh have got quite a clever one, which is they've got comedy BlackBerry messages, but they've printed the whole BlackBerry.
So there are three messages of about four or five lines each, very funny ones.
but they're surrounded by an actual massive picture of a BlackBerry phone and they're at jaunty angles.
But you need it though to sell the joke, you know what I mean?
Otherwise, you couldn't just have like a little thing in a corner saying, imagine these on a BlackBerry with the lines printed on it.
Well, you wouldn't obviously do that, but there would be other ways to present them.
I don't think there would.
I think everyone who does a comedy book says to their publisher, you know, we want it to be like the Monty Python books, don't they?
I mean, you'd be insane if you didn't, because they were never bettered, really, were they?
I wanted to just put scripts in ours.
Yeah, I mean, that's the tempting thing.
But what kind of scripts would you get from our?
Very good ones that I wrote.
Well, you know, I couldn't believe that they published whole books full of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's radio rambles.
I mean, that was, that was unbelievable, I thought.
But they're on the national syllabus now.
Yeah, quite right.
You have to study them for GCSE.
I mean, I'm not saying that their radio rambles were not enjoyable.
They were highly enjoyable.
I loved their podcasts.
Why doesn't someone publish a book of our radio?
Because they're not insane is why.
No, but they are insane.
Oh, I see.
And people out there are insane.
Maybe we'll make some loony money.
That's true.
What am I thinking?
They are insane.
The loony market.
The I'll-buy-anything market.
It's huge.
Exploit the loonies.
Alright, here's another podcasting.
Breaking up the chat with some music.
Yeah, we got this thing off GarageBand.
But it's free and now anyone can use it.
This is from Nick Bath.
He says it was interesting to hear Joe talk about the new Blue Peter, which is now liberally sprinkled with musical beds.
Recently, I've become obsessed with the idea of having a music bed for my iPhone.
He's giving us a non-branded version of the iPhone.
for various conversations.
For example, some nice comforting music for telling my wife that I'm going to be home late.
Some sophisticated classical stuff for talking authoritatively to colleagues.
Or maybe some Philip Glass in the background when I'm on the phone to a call center to get them to hurry things up.
Maybe you could publicize this idea, then some wise widget wizard will help to develop the thing and we can all buy it for our iPhones.
That's a very good idea.
Music beds for the iPhone.
Music beds for chat.
You know, one thing, because I just moved house fairly recently, I've been on the phone to various people trying to get things installed.
So I've had to go through a lot of those things where you go through the options, right?
You sit there for about 20 minutes getting the options.
I thought, I should have options when people call me.
So next week, I'm going to bring in my new option thing that I'm going to have for my phone.
I had an idea for the, I haven't got one of these iPhones, but I had an idea though.
They've got SatNav.
Why not have ChatNav?
Right.
So when you're having a conversation, the chat nav gives you instructions.
In six words, agree.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
After the end of this sentence, slap on left cheek and leave room.
Chat nav.
Try saying, mm, yeah.
That would be the most common one.
That would be the basic one.
After 12 words say, really?
That's fascinating.
And then for a random one you could just say, take a left turn now.
And then you stop talking.
Conversationally.
Topically.
Exactly.
Chat nav.
Perfect.
Very nice.
Hi, this is A Sexy Woman and you're listening to the highlights of the Adam and Jo BBC Six Music show.
Oh, this podcast has got me so hot.
I'm too hot.
I'm going to have to sit down and take off my cardigan.
I'm boiling.
Okay, clear something up for me.
This is on a completely different tangent.
Go ahead.
In a film, if there's a gunfight, person A and person B are having an argument.
Right.
Person A pulls a gun on person B. Yes.
Right?
And person B thinks, right, I'm done.
Yeah.
But then person C turns up behind person A and holds a gun to person A's head.
Do you know what I mean?
At which point person A, because there's a gun to their head, always goes, oh, throws the gun down.
Not always.
Not always.
Now, but this is a logic.
I was watching the new Indiana Jones movie again on the weekend, and there's a similar sequence there when Jonesy's got a gun, it's pointed at evil Cate Blanchett, and all the Russians have all got their guns on him, and he just goes, drop the guns.
And they do it, they drop their guns.
But then Ray Winston turns up next to Indy, and he's got a gun pointed at Indy.
But what's the logic there?
Why do you drop your gun?
Do you see what I'm getting at?
Yeah, because they drop the gun because they value their own lives more than... But that doesn't exactly make sense.
It's as if there's a logic of, OK, whoever draws the gun soonest has control of the situation, whereas the mounting guns being pulled just mean that everyone's going to die.
rather than just one person.
Do you get what I'm saying?
Yeah.
The logic in Indiana Jones is he's got his gun trained on Cate Blanchett.
Yeah.
So he's saying, right, you shoot me before your bullets get to me.
My bullet might have got to Cate Blanchett and you love her and you don't want to risk her dying, right?
Yeah, but I mean, that's never going to happen.
It's never going to happen, is it?
No.
Everyone will just shoot at once and they'll all die.
Well, no, they won't, because if Ray Winston wants to shoot Indy in the head,
He's going to shoot him immediately, so Indy knows.
Yeah, but what if Indy shoots Cate Blanchett in the head?
It's not going to happen because he'll be dead from the Ray Winston bullet.
What if he just does it now, first, before Winston does it?
Why would he suddenly do that?
Because he'd do it and run away.
No, what are you talking about?
Winston then will shoot him as he's running away.
Right, right.
You haven't thought this through.
I still think there's a problem with it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Well, listen, man, when you get in that situation... Fine, let's find out.
If any listeners out there would like to pull a gun on Joe in a dark alley... No, I'm joking.
I'm talking about in feature films, in pretend scenarios.
Yeah.
No, I think it's the proximity of the gun, and if someone's got a gun to your head, then you sort of... The closer the gun, because the bullet has to travel less distance.
Well, yeah, in a way.
It still doesn't make sense to me.
I don't understand it.
He's not having it.
I'm a bit thick.
Hey, I'm a bit thick too.
Cool, let's do a show together.
Wicked.
Here are some good ones.
You know we had the man who made his own pants?
Yes.
Well, he sent some stuff in.
And of course it was a man, as someone clearly pointed out.
If it wasn't a man, how could the... Julie's hang out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So his name is Simon Turner and he says, I made them as a surprise for my wife.
he was a man at that stage well I guess I bought her a sewing machine and she was making curtains and there was material left over so he nipped in and made himself a pair of sexy underpants
and then removed his trousers later that evening to present to her.
I've got a surprise for you, darling.
Imagine, picture the scene, especially with everything sticking out.
How sexy can you get?
Toasted grumpet.
Okay.
Here's a couple of more good ones.
Is that good English?
Yes.
uh hello adam and joe when i was about 15 i was desperate to prove i wasn't part of the crowd i wanted to come up with a good way to be subversive and rebellious when i couldn't come up with a good idea i decided that i would wear my shirt as jeans and my jeans as a shirt wow i got two pairs of jeans ripped one of them in half so each trouser leg acted as a sleeve and used the other pair of jeans as a sort of bonding material in between i taped it all together with brown parcel tape
and tried to slip my shirt onto my legs.
What?
Naturally, I look ridiculous like a fashion version of the Elephant Man.
A fashion version?
The look never left my bedroom, and all I had to show for my project was two ruined pairs of jump jeans and a ruined shirt.
That's John from Canterbury.
Good experimentation, though.
It's an idea that's crossed most people's minds at some stage, hasn't it?
Wearing your trousers like a shirt?
They're similar garments, yeah.
A shirt's just like a pair of trousers with an enormous gusset.
Yes, exactly.
If you just slashed a hole... Can I say gusset?
Yeah.
If you slashed a hole between the legs of your jeans, you know, and thrust your arms up into the legs, you could pop your head through the hole.
It would be like a kind of crazy tank top with long arms.
Listen, talking of popping your head through the hole, here's a final one from Mary.
You're scared now, aren't you?
It says, more fashion misinterpretation.
Looking for a new training bra at the tender age of 12, I asked my mum if she had something.
She said, look in my underwear drawer.
There I found a sexy looking bra and quickly threw it on.
When she saw me, she fell about laughing.
It was not until I was much older that I realized I'd been wearing a pair of her rude pants with my head sticking through the missing crotch.
You're sincerely married.
What a lovely way to end this week's Texternation.
Well, that was our podcast, ladies and gentlemen.
I hope you enjoyed it.
There's quite a lot of jollity and gaiety abounding there, I thought, wasn't there?
You know, I'm still flicking through Vice magazine.
He's still fingering them.
Yeah.
Might that be a good textination to do ideas for ridiculous fashion spreads?
Because another fashion spread they've got, in fact, one of the photos in the same spread as Adam was talking about at the beginning of this podcast, features a nude woman
with a piece of material a black strip of material emerging from her buttocks that she's popped up her bottom and it's hanging like a sort of tail and that's it what is the actual material is it can you see what it is is it like a long glove or is it a piece of trouser or something why would it be up her buton i'm gonna have a closer look now um but that's obviously one of the styles that young people are expected to rock
in the clubs this season, naked but with a sort of a bottom tail.
What have you got hanging out of your ass, Marco?
Oh, don't you know?
I'm shocked you have to ask, you philistine.
It's the bum tail.
It's so huge in Milan this year.
It's Tilda Smart.
What's my name again?
What is it?
Ronco.
Marco!
Marco!
And my brother is called Ronco.
He sells things at Christmas.
He sticks them in his arse.
He sticks various food processors in his arse.
Anyway, that's quite enough of this podcast.
It's all by the by.
Oh, we're feeling depressed and ashamed now.
I'm exhausted.
We'll see you next week, hopefully.
Thanks for listening.
Take care, lots of love, bye!
Bye.
BBC Six Music Podcasts.
If you liked Adam & Jo, why not try Jarvis Cocker's 6 Music show, Sundays from 4, 6 Music.